Friday, December 5, 2014

The Night They Drive Old Dixie Carter Down

A lot of things happened today so I have more stories, but my recollections of Designing Women through a bottle of wine and some Pie Hole will have to do. I'm not there yet. Sebaceous glands are involved in my earlier stories and you don't need that involved until I can be eloquent of such a subject.


So one night I downloaded sixty-ish episodes of Designing Women from Logo and my sister and I have been trying to whittle it down before the husby cracks and has to delete everything to make room for another recording of Running Scared starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Heins.

Side note: I'm pretty sure the new under cabinet lights I bought are cool white, OK I KNOW they are cool white, but I'm pretty sure the others are soft white and, believe it or not, there is a difference. And before you write me off as a stupid white bitch, I own a new build, but it's made of graham crackers, so chill.


So I watched a couple Designing Womens the other night and the first one was about Julia Sugarbaker's house being a Civil War landmark and Mary Joe was thinking about marrying her best guy friend based on a pact they made when they were 27. Of course, they didn't get married and OF COURSE, Julia was not happy about the parade of homes that came through her house between the smokers, flip flop wearers, and fictional gossip, not to mention her mammy and Southern Belle outfits that I have no idea how anyone could afford them knowing how much authentic costuming can cost you when you don't make it yourself, but then again, I am not from the South in my own design firm. So basically, the episode that I have no name for is amazing. And I love that even though now it seems like an old fashioned message with a girl having a friend that she only has friend feelings for but is really close to and can't marry just for the sake of marrying, it's a message that was in the mainstream when I was a kid. Even if everyone in France was living it tenfold, it changed the way all of us Disney-loving princesses thought about men, love, and friendship. So it's a cool thing to watch for what it is and also enjoy Julia Sugarbaker kicking shitty Big Gulp ruffians out of her home.


The second episode was one of their later preachy episodes. I can still appreciate these ones because they have their comedic moments, like the last scene of this episode with everyone slow dancing, including Mary Joe and Julia dressed in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane garb. BUT it's mostly a soapbox for the Clarence Thomas case and I commend them for bringing a balanced but heartily feminist perspective in the middle of primetime while tying in some of the scariest and most influential and poignant references for women with the Whatever Happened to Baby Jane stuff.


So tonight my sister and I watched two episodes. The first one was about domestic violence. While this one is heartwarming and totally full of all the emotion and depth AND comedy that was unrivaled at the time with primetime sitcoms, not to mention being a female-centric show (***BTDUBS was this a primetime show? I refuse to do research, so this is either on you guys to accept my BS or look it up and keep it to yourself). It still has its soap opera moments with the jittery close ups and pained looks and knowing nods with bruised eyes and sunglasses, but they found a way to make it relatable, so, bravo. Especially the black face Supremes number that starts with Julia wanting to kill Suzanne and ends with Charlene reinvigorated with her friend running away. I totally get it. I give it a-many kisses.


That's enough of that. It was emotional and beautiful and you just have to watch it because I don't have time for shit. Also, Beer for My Horses sounds like someone admitting to negligent horse ownership and I'm sure no one will do anything about it, but that's the way it goes, right? Celebrities...


So the next episode we watched was about Charlene being pregnant on NYE and about to go see Steel Magnolias with the gals, and Bill (if you have never watched, he is the impossibly handsome but gently ditzy man who made me want to get married to a Marine so I could have swords at my wedding), while Anthony is obviously but subtly dating a hooker, which, I know he is an ex-convict and all, but it still feels unnatural. I never noticed how much they harp on him. Poor Anthony is the best character of all. I'm glad he gets jokes in but FUCK THESE BITCHES BE OBLIVIOUS WITHOUT REMORSE.


Well anyway, Delta Burke keeps getting put in circus tent wear because until two minutes ago plus sized women were relegated to whatever they could find, not actually thought of as people who ALSO wanted to be in style. "Bitch, your titty is bigger than a B so FUCK YOU." is what I hear in my mind. But Dolly Parton was also in this episode and everything that Charlene said to her, I will memorize and say exactly. Because I will not be able to say anything if I ever meet Dolly because I will be so starstruck, so I will need a script, and Charlene just about covers all of it. I might need a videographer for rehearsals and live moments, so I'll let you know if I need you.

And that's all I have for you. I'm going to sleep to trucker hits and/or some movie on Netflix but LOVE TO DESIGNING WOMEN AND WOMEN WHO CAN SPELL. OR SPELL DESIGNING. OR JUST ALL OF IT!


-bunny