Monday, April 18, 2011

Don't Stop Now

This is a quickie today BUT I am really excited b/c my husby got us tickets (along with some of our friends) to go see Dave Sedaris tonight.  He is going to be at Rose State College, reading & signing & meeting fans.  I am actually really nervous b/c I have no idea what to say.  I don't want to be a lame ass that just says "Love your work!  Can I blow you now?"  I always dream that I will be out & about & meet someone I admire and say something really cool that makes them want to be my friend forever & ever & we write books and make fun of tabloids together over french fries & shakes before we continue shopping for our designer clothes.  In this fantasy I have lost a size or two.  So to ease my nerves & make everyone happy, I leave you with this:

Sedaris, Beach Party & famous BFFs,

bunny

Friday, April 15, 2011

"I'm a professional. I've had three performances."

I have learned that I can be pretty fun to adventure with.  People I like should do it more often with me rather than leaving me to adventure alone, although I do like loner adventures as well.  Anyways, yesterday I decided to go try a place that I had never been to called The Beatnix Cafe.  I work in OKC now and lately I have been like, "WTFuck I need to take advantage of this!"  So I got my directions & copied them to a blue Post-it, slipped on my Ray-Bans, got in my blue Fit & rolled down the windows.

It's been pretty windy here, so of course, I barely made it down the street & my direction Post-it flew off my dashboard into the backseat.  Once I finally got a hold of it via some major bonehead driving moves (luckily on an empty ghetto street), I wound my way through the city.  On 10th I saw a Blues Saloon that I would like to go to, as well as a place called Frog something.  I dunno, but either way the sign was distracting and reminded me of The Muppet Movie & Doc Hopper's Frog Leg franchise when suddenly, with Moody Blues blaring on my radio, I was yelled at by two scruffy, older black gentleman with white beards who asked if I was lost.  "Nope, just finding my way somewhere" aka "Yes, I am lost, but I don't need help from your rickety van & suspicious smiles!  No offense!"

So I find Western & see the People's Barber where some lady is standing the doorway with some crazy Jersey Shore hair getting sprayed down with Aqua Net.  I know where I am at this point, but have never had the pleasure of viewing the People's Barber.  Neat.  As I am going down the street I keep thinking, "Wait, 13th isn't down here.  Where did Google Maps take me?"  And then I think I see the Beatnix Cafe sign that is sun-bleached & the building is boarded up & I think, "Great, I fell for an online Twitter serial killer who masquerades as a lunch/coffee spot."  I ended up turning around a dozen times, mistaking a gallery on Western for Beatnix (although I would like to go to the gallery sometime) & finally realizing that it did NOT say Beatnix on that crazy sign, but Bev's or something.  There's a bar next to that gallery called The Antique Lady that I am going to visit as well.  While I looked like a crazy person making U-turns (not like Usher U-turns, car ones) & turning around, the universe thought it would be hilarious to have the radio play Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Caught in the Crossfire" while I drive aimlessly.  Har.  Har.  No, actually I really was laughing, b/c it is pretty funny.  Good one, universe.

Anyways, eventually I realize that I was going the right way the first time I turned around.  Fast forward to going inside.  It is decorated with mismatched cafe tables & old 50s diner booths and lamps with beads hanging from them, bright colors on the walls & shelves of random antiques & old LPs.  Already love it.  Ordering in line to make the lunch line move faster, I opt for the Reuben with a side of red skin potato salad & a can of Diet Dr. Pepper.

So here's the good part: eating lunch alone is fine & dandy, but it's a little awkward when you maneuver around people and bump into their expensive tech equipment b/c they have apparently set up an office there.  I sit at one of the two-seater cafe tables, thinking this is the polite thing to do for all the big groups, but unfortunately the best option is to sit on the stool with my back to a guy 6 inches behind me in a normal chair.  Within two seconds, let's just say it, he left.  Whoops.  I sat & worked on reading Tina Fey's new book, Bossypants (highly recommend FYI, I'm barely into it & every page makes me giggle crazily) & a magazine when my steaming Reuben arrives in it's basket, like a little baby Moses floating down a river, except probably steamier with a nice little cup of potato salad.  I try the book & sandwich juggle, but this sandwich is a two hand project, even though they slice it in half.  Too many juices.  Let me just say it was divine between the marble rye, sauerkraut, cheese & dressing.  I am doing the Homer drool right now.  Anyways, it was delicious & it made me really happy that they gave me a pickle spear AND a little green olive toothpicked together 1) LOVE green olives 2) HOW CUTE?  The potato salad was perfect.  I know I am not very descriptive, but isn't the whole point to know if it's worth it or not?  Because it definitely is.

Lunch of the gods
If you are not a Reuben fan, it's fine that you suck, but there are other options.  Oh, FYI, you can get their Reuben with turkey instead of corned beef, so maybe you will like this change & suck less, I don't know, though.  One thing I almost got was their California Club b/c it comes on an everything bagel.  I saw that sucker come out - definitely getting it next time.  Unless I keep having dreams about the Reuben.

Anyways, remember techno guy?  HAHA it sounds like he was raving.  That would be distracting.  Well, techno-non-rave guy was actually met by another man (Lover's Point?) and they started to have some sort of meeting or interview.  And this occurred as I was getting my sandwich.  So I awkwardly scarfed down my steamy Reuben behind techno guy's head.  If random other dude with glasses was at all nervous or bored, I hope I eased his pain a little bit.  Or maybe grossed him out.  Either way, win/win.  I resumed the magazine juggle for the sake of the interview.  You're welcome.

As I left stuffed to the brim with one of their coconut pecan cookies (that I forgot to mention) stuffed in my purse, I said thank you & was busted for tweeting about my Beatnix Cafe experience - "Thanks for the shout out."

No problem, dear sir.  THANK YOU for a delicious experience that totally made getting lost & getting back from lunch a little late worth it!  Perfect for baked goods (cookie was top notch), coffee, tea, or lunch (you can even get it to-go), I definitely recommend them, so GO!  Or we can't talk anymore.  Until my next lone lunch adventure.....



The Beatnix Cafe
136 Northwest 13th Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73103
(405) 604-0211

Follow on Twitter @thebeatnikcafe
Like on Facebook
Read all about it on http://www.thebeatnikcoffeecafe.wordpress.com/
Sign up for emails at http://www.thebeatnixcafe.com/



Reubens, tweets & Beatnix,
bunny

P.S. If you don't believe me, the husby & I have set a day date for Saturday at none other than The Beatnix Cafe.  TOLD YOU.  Also, if you haven't guessed it, the title is a quote from The Muppet Movie.  You should watch that right MEOW.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Matchmaker, Matchmaker find me a match

Women of the World:

If you have ever felt like your breasts, love pillows, bosoms, tetons, tits, teats, snuggle bombs, etc. are too small, let me give you a consolation prize.

1. Back pain.  This is serious shit.  I go to a chiropractor regularly, have jaw problems (partially from stress but being top heavy doesn't help), go to yoga & must concern myself with good shoes with optimal support.  I have a hard time wearing heels b/c it only helps gravity slouch me even further and I pretty much hate my life.  I wouldn't mind giving heels a chance every now & again, but these Babes in Toyland will hold me hostage if I do more than 3".

2. More pain ensues, but in your Bosom Buddies.  I cannot sleep without some sort of bra on.  I cannot function during the day without some sort of bra on.  And by some sort, I mean full-on harnesses that I am pretty sure spelunkers & rock climbrs could hook onto me with and use me as their spotter/anchor.  I also cannot run.  I have tried since they have grown even more and I am telling you, I will be wearing three, I kid you not, THREE BRAND NEW sports bras and they STILL hurt.  Like I said, serious shit.
Easier said than done
3. You always look like a whore.  No joke, I could be wearing the most virginal dress in the world, but lo & behold, those boobs will find a way to make cleavage that hurts people's eyes to look directly at, like someone has opened the Grail and they don't want their face to melt.  You can get attention but not always good attention.  Don't think I haven't seen when some of my smaller counterparts look at me in horror &/or insecurity & whisper.  Believe me, ladies, I'm not here to make you feel bad or gross you out, I'm just here to get drunk.

4. Going along with being on display, MANY people comment, as if, hey, they're there, we are all thinking it, so I'm going to point them out and make jokes.  Because that is exactly what I was hoping to do on a Tuesday while I grab some Earl Grey.  Not only that, forget about attracting cute guys.  Do you know how many times I have been hit on some of the greasiest guys around?  Family friends who have watched me grow up have all but slobbered on my chest.  You instantly become a butcher window with giant slabs of steak and the man becomes a hungry J.R. with one droopy eye.

5.  They make you look bigger than you really are & bloated when you are not.  Yup it's not that I've gained 10lbs, OK maybe it is, but I also have hot air balloons suspended from my body.  NOT slimming.  Except in my waist area, that's nice.  Other than that, grrrrr, BAH!

Now, I'm not saying that my big booty hoes haven't got their fair share of problems.  Or even my petite lovelies with rock hard abs, but this is my blog & my chest that I hoist up everyday, so this is what we are reading about today.  I didn't ask for them and some women do and go buy them and they love them, but they also generally do not have the same figure I've got which is NOT petite.  I'm not bitter (ok well maybe a little, but I don't hate you, skinny skanks!) and I have really gotten comfortable with my body over the last few years but I'm just giving a dose of reality to every woman who has ever made themselves feel bad for not looking like Pammy.  I'd be lying, tho, if I haven't dreamt of having a bigger booty and do the Stairmaster to make it happen.  But my booty friends have just as long of a list as I do with similar problems.

To be fair, I'm not going to pretend there are not advantages, but if you are a reasonably attractive woman -  scratch that - if you are a woman, you have an advantage - big boobs, small boobs, big ass, small ass, no teeth, all teeth.  You just have an advantage b/c there is a man out there for every size & shape & dentistry.  There is also going to be some piece of clothing that you can rock better than other shapes & vice versa.  Embrace what you got, but if you still aren't happy, go ahead and do it, but do it for yourself.  Which brings me to my conclusion that the most crucial thing to consider before you ever decide to go under the knife for boobs, ass, lips, cheekbones, etc:

Do you really want to attract someone that wouldn't give you the time of day if you DIDN'T do those things?  And is all the trouble worth filling out that v neck & being stuck to wearing bras the rest of your life?


food for thought & happy days,


bunny


P.S. The answer to both questions is  no.  You have no choice.
P.P.S. How women's empowerment retreat have I been lately?  Must be my periodata is syncing up with Gloria Steinem pre-menopause.
P.P.P.S.  I get that our bodies are not just here to be admired by people, like my Oompa Loompas have practical applications like breastfeeding & whatnot, so don't give me that shit.  Part of it IS attracting a mate so we can procreate, tho.  Nature's practical applications.  All I'm sayin'.  End trans.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Diagnosis Music

Since the new year, I have found myself listening to lots of bands I heard about from friends & other sources such as NPR's All Songs Considered with Bob Boilen & NYLON magazine.  Rather than log onto MySpace & feel guilty for neglecting Tom & my "friends" from various past part-time jobs, I was able to listen to them on Grooveshark, which you may remember me singing the praises of in "When the dog barks, when the bee stings."  You remember that one, right, Mom?  Well I'm going to keep singing them.  Who are these great new faves of yours truly?  Well, that's what I am trying to tell you.  Right now.



Mayer Hawthorne
Album: A Strange Arrangement
He is from Ann Arbor, MI, so I like him immediately (since I am originally from a town that's just a short jot up Dexter Trail), but when I first heard him on NPR, I could not believe mine ears.  He's got the retro Motown sound that takes you back (to an era I was not actually a part of), but uses modern references that avoids his sounding dated.  As Boilen so aptly noted, he plays with the idea of this genre and is fully aware of all it entails.  He has a gorgeous voice with no prior training and even wrote and plays all the music himself.  If you dig the old school Motown/R&B/Soul, you will definitely love him.







Tennis
Album: Cape Dory
The story behind this album is heart-warming, I don't care how stony your heart: In 2009, a Denver-native newlywed couple decided to take a sailboat down the East coast for eight months.  They had no prior experience & wrote this album on their journey.  It is beachy & romantic & again, takes you back, this time to 1950s girl group doo-wop.  The lead singer has the clearest most angelic voice backed by dreamy rhythms.  The lyrics will melt your heart and the overall vibe will soothe your soul.  Definitely recommended for the office as an escape, but be warned, it may make you want to find a random patch of sun and take a nap like a baby post-teat.





Neon Indian
Album: Psychic Chasms
Now the hipster/indie set already know about them (and probably everything else I am writing about) but not everyone does.  So go ahead & gimme the bird and self-righteously sip your macchiato while I attempt to explain to this marvelous band: if I were tripping on acid, this is what it would be like.  It is fun & upbeat with funky beats that make me feel like I am in a John Hughes movie. One second it sounds like a Nintendo game, the next you hear some Pink Floyd influence.  And they totally sample "What a Fool Believes" in "Laughing Gas."  Definitely worth a listen.







The Suzan
Album: Golden Week for the Poco Poco Beat

This band is an all-girl indie group from Japan that rocks your socks off as they go against the bubblegum pop grain of their motherland.  Their music creates a spectrum of moods that are inevitably back dropped with aural happiness.  In their mix of instrumentals and haunting vocals you'll find ominous tones that are simultaneously playful.  I love love love them and will be seriously disappointed if you do not give them a try.








Girl Talk
Album: All Day
A skinny white guy that does amazing remixes that can only be rivaled by DJ Dangermouse's Grey Album.  He mixes every genre and every decade from 80s pop to rap to Miley to classic rock, making you want to dance the night away no matter your day job taste.  Seriously in love with him for making me want to go clubbing when I am not one to frequent clubs (I only own one pair of heels and a stack of thigh-worn JCPenney jeans). I'm pretty sure his mixes make me a better dancer too, so if that isn't incentive enough, I don't know what is.







Give these bands a listen and tell me what you think.  If you have already heard some or all of them and have some fun factoids or want to tell everyone how wrong I am, that's cool too. OR if you want to give some recommendations of some new amazing musicians/bands/artists, share that too!  Always looking to expand my music library beyond Johnny Rivers.


good tunes, naps & sunshine,

bunny

Monday, April 11, 2011

Sewing Circle

Yes, yes, I know it has been forever since I have posted.  Between Canadian visitors & general life nonsense, I haven't had the time and/or motivation.  But I am here, so listen up:

For a long time, I didn't think I liked girls.  I thought they were annoying & catty and I felt like I could have more, unscrutinized fun with my guy friends.  But it's not the same.  We need that bond between women b/c at the end of the day, who else are you going to complain about your significant other to or laugh about lady problems and terrible sexual experiences with?  Plus, guys can be tough to be friends with b/c sometimes they are too conscious of the fact you are a woman.  Like they belittle your problems or leave you out or try to slip you the One Eyed Willie.  Uncomfortable, no?  So here are some reasons I love the ladies I love:

1) They make me laugh.  I do not enjoy people in general if they do not have a good sense of humor.  The more I ponder on that quality & the people who have come & gone from my life, the more I understand what that really means.  It's not just that they can make funny jokes or faces, but they don't take themselves too seriously and can find the humor in everyday situations.  They are the people I can travel with and know that when shit hits the fan, after we are done being assholes to each other, we will laugh it off.  Nor are all their jokes mean-spirited observations about others.  I learned from my mom at a young age that you're not funny if you're humor is being mean, anyone can do that so sit on it and spin.

2) They are not your run-of-the-mill gossipy back-stabbers.  Even though we may have our own little competitions & squibbles between us, they genuinely want to see me succeed and I hope the same for them.  They stick up for me & admire me for my qualities, the good & the questionable, and vice versa.  They just want to be my friend and spend time with me and be there for me, plain & friggin' simple.

3) They are themselves no matter the situation or how hard they try not to be.  They snort, they tell crazy long stories, they talk awkwardly loud in quiet situations, they have big laughs, they get grumpy or bossy at their scheduled times or they stand by what & who they believe in.  And I love them for it.  This goes hand in hand with their sense of humor, but I admire them for their ability to be themselves and never apologize for it.  Or they are themselves and they do apologize and then keep on keepin' on, because, really, who has time to sit around and be a boring robot that everyone can get along with but has the personality of a box?  They are just genuine beauties through & through.

4) They defy traditional expectations and make up their own rules.  Whenever people try to pin them down as one thing, they prove they can be something completely different.  And they bust their butts.  Gotta love those ambitious & self-reflexive people.

Basically, what constitutes a woman I want to hang out with is what constitutes a guy I want to hang out with.  But us ladies can be our own worst enemies which is what gives us a bad rep on both sides of the table.  We keep ourselves down by talking trash & being ugly when there is no real motivation for it.  We let those judgmental freaks make us feel bad about ourselves when they are just insecure.  And we buy into the stupid societal expectations when we need to own who we are and do what works for us, so long as it isn't hurting anyone else in the process.
Like this.  Don't do this.
But there's another side to that too, we need guys to quit staring at their own cocks for two seconds.  No, really, it's pretty unfair how harsh men can be about women's humor or ideals or past times when most of the time, they aren't that different than theirs.  I've said it before & I'll say it again: the only way for us to break this gender barrier is to raise strong and open minded women AND men.  Women & men: have that confidence, follow your dreams and when & if you decide to be in a relationship, make sure you and your partner are working towards an EQUAL compromise.  Don't hate on the opposite sex, listen to what they have to say and hold each other accountable.  Both sides deserve respect and we need to quit worrying about what makes a "man" or a "woman" and worry more about what makes a "human".  So I love both sides, don't get me wrong, but quit generalizing.  You sound like an ignorant prick or bitch and you aren't any better than the superficial girls or douche guys you like to belittle.

So I got a little out of hand on this one and it is more serious than funny, but until I moved away, I didn't realize just how important those female friendships have been in my life and how important they still are.  So keep in touch with the downass womenfolk out there, support them, and ignore those nasty wenches out there that make you self-conscious.  They're the ones losing in the end.



peace, love & sunshine,

bunny